| The room is dark except for the glare of the iTunes on the computer. Akon is blasting from the speakers as the last bit of clothing hits the floor. Spirits are high, but 60 seconds later, all is lower than low.
Erectile dysfunction. Two words that every man (and his lover) fears. Moreover, two words that don't usually enter their lives at such a ripe sexual age. College students, particularly men, are at an age of sexual prowess, when libidos run high and the pool of partners to choose from is just as deep. So why is this such a problem right now?
I know some of the defensive guys out there are thinking, "That's my manhood you're talking about!" But the complaints aren't just coming from the ladies. When pondering whether or not to write about this topic, I polled a few very honest guys. The suspicions were correct.
Most of them were just too intoxicated to perform.
Yes, there is that small group of guys who have sober erectile issues. For you, I open my heart a little and let out a sad sigh. These things happen. Maybe you weren't attracted to the girl. That's okay. Girls aren't attracted to every bumbling drunk loser who spouts a cheesy line their way either. Maybe it was nerves. We are a very nervous generation, after all.
It could even be the type of condoms. (I've been told by a friend who accidentally took one of his roommate's special condoms that Extended Pleasure Trojans is like having sex with a sock on. You'll be numb for days.)
But most of you were just too intoxicated. There is a famous term for impotence caused by intoxication, however, I don't think I can disclose it in this particular publication. You can try to fill in the blanks, and I'm pretty sure you'll figure it out.
Why are college men allowing themselves to get to this point of inebriation? For the same reason Joe at Leon's charges $3 on Thursday nights for "Club L" when there is no cover any other nights. People are still going to do things that don't make sense. We're in college. Social standards are at an all-time low. Especially in our bizarre little demented Lehigh bubble. We can't act this way in the real world when people expect us to be adults. Overindulgence is the college student's specialty.
Wait, shouldn't we study and not drink and smoke our education away? What about all of the health risks? Since nobody believes that you are going to forget lunch at Nana's because you sparked a doobie earlier (as commercials would have us believe), how about this for your anti-drug:
According to medical sources, long-term alcohol use wrecks your liver (duh) and fries your nervous system. The harm continues with the neural connections between the pituitary gland and the genitals. Testosterone levels will sink, leading to . you guessed it . erectile dysfunction! Let's continue, shall we?
Smoking two cigarettes before hopping in the sack will cause a substantial decrease of blood flow to the penis. Chronic and long-term tobacco use screws up your circulation, which will again lead to the decrease of blood flow to your love stick.
Then, there is cocaine.
Yup, the china-white which you think is making the world so happy. You believe it will boost your sexual performance, but it is really doing the opposite. It can affect your neurotransmitters in the opposite direction. It reverses the chemicals in your body, and blood will once again flee the penis. If you plan on riding the white pony for the evening, I wouldn't count on riding anything else.
Lastly, we have marijuana. Many people believe that smoking the herb is an aphrodisiac. Studies have shown it lowers your sperm count and eventually leads to limpness.
I know I am not a scientist or a physician. My information came strictly from extensive Googling and the testimonials of friends. If you drink or do drugs, is your penis going to fall off? No, I highly doubt it. But keep in mind that moderation is key. Maybe a few beers would help you loosen up and release some inhibitions, but it sure as hell isn't sexy when your partner is slurring their words and has to leave mid-nooky to go vomit.
Shakespeare said it best: Excessive drinking "provokes the desire but takes away the performance." I knew that man was smart for a reason. Next time you hear last call and are considering getting that extra vodka tonic or talking to that cute stranger from your statistics class, I would encourage the latter. Let's put it to you this way: The next morning, would you rather wake up with a hangover or a hot person lying next to you? |
