Maybe it's time to rethink handing off my outdoors magazines to the kids every month.
Maybe it's time for the outdoors magazines to start mailing them to the house in brown wrappers.
I guess I'm just slow on the uptake, but it wasn't until the June issue of Field and Stream that I noticed their advertisements had changed. Before I got to the classifieds about earning up to $100 an hour sharpening knives or how to buy my personal saw mill was the full-page "Enhance Your Love Life" ad.
It was right beside the full-page "It's Never Too Late To Learn Something New" ad that said I could see what they were talking about for myself on a "discreet home video."
The ad, featuring a scantily clad woman being nuzzled on the neck by a dude in shorts, wasn't pushing a video about different ways to call turkeys or the finer points of flipping a jig. I can't think of anything to do with hunting and fishing that would be "explicit and uncensored."
The other advertisement was for Extra TDX which promised to . . . well, it's best not to go into it. But I can get a 180-day supply for $327.40, which includes shipping and handling.
A page later: I can order Viagra, Cialis or Levitra online if I act before Dec. 31, 2007.
The June/July issue of Outdoor Life has a smaller ad for Extra TDX but a big ad for Vivaxa (which has a secret formula).
Most people who have kids usually put some thought into what they are watching on TV, seeing at the movies or listening to on the Ipod. But who's really concerned about passing along a magazine to a 12-year-old so he can read about "50 Sure-Fire Techniques For Catching Bigger Bass"?
Up until now the only thing in Fields and Stream I've had to explain to the kids is why we don't buy the equipment they are always field-testing. If it's time to buy a pair of new binoculars they'll want the ones that get the "editor's choice" marks.
"Why aren't we getting the Zeiss Victory 10x56 binoculars dad?"
"Because if I am paying $2,175 for something I had better be able to ride in it."
The majority of people don't pay in the mid-to-high four figures for their rifles or shotguns, and it's rare I fish with anybody using $700 reels. In fact, the people I hang out with cringe when they have to break off a $5 lure and lose a few yards of their $15-a-spool fluorocarbon fishing line.
Outdoor Life said the Browning Cynergy Classic over/under shotgun "has the look of a thoroughbred racehorse." At $3,235 it should.
But stories about high-priced sporting goods and over-priced trips to places where you catch overrated species like bonefish are better for under-aged eyes than ads for videos that feature "more creative ways for you to enjoy intimacy."
By all accounts hunters and fishermen are an aging group. I guess that means there's more disposable income for the high-priced guns and fishing rods and binoculars and trips to Costa Rica. It also means a lot of outdoor types don't worry about the kids anymore because the kids have long since left home.
But if your teenager comes to you and asks for $19.95 plus $5 for shipping and handling for a video from Field and Stream, you may want to eyeball the order form. The flick could be less about bucks and bass and more about the birds and bees
|
